First time I saw her she was working in a local bakery only 15 years young. She had an unusual hairstyle almost
as if her hair was cut short with a long ponytail appearing from nowhere from the back of her head but that
mattered little because the beauty of her face coupled with the most friendly personality was enough to steal my
heart. I remember a close friend of mine harboring the same feelings but found myself almost instinctively
telling him she is too young for 19 year olds like us that was the best and only excuse I could think of to take
his attention away from her. Days and months passed and little did this beauty know of my infactuation with her,
I stuck by what I told my friend staying away from her hoping for the next two years to pass by rapidly in order
for her to be old enough.
In order to pass the time I would watch her from afar admiring her cute tomboyish
walk, her friendly smile that she would dish out to anyone that looked her way and I found myself torn about how
to approach her and make her notice me too.
Then one day I thought my chance had arrived when I saw her walking home from the bakery, I stopped to offer her
a lift and she looked at me as if to say I know you but just cannot figure out from where. As she got in I felt
my heart jump with excitement and even though she smelt strongly from the sweat she had built up from walking, it
mattered little something inside me knew immediately that there was something special about this one but as life
will have it my courage deserted me and I found myself not saying anything of any significance to her.
Time slipped by and she met someone else and fell in love while I too turned my attention elsewhere and became
infactuated with another. Then one night at a mutual friends party I had a play of words with her. I remember
her closing line that night when she said she would make a man of me one day when the moon is full and both of us
still laugh about that up until today however at that time we were coupled with others and the idea of us ever
being together seemed ludicrous.
From here onwards the only contact I had with her was when my friends and I
would pop around by her on Eid days to wish her well for the day.
The relationship I had with my new infactuation was great at first but in the end all it got me was a broken
heart so I returned home and who do I see the first time I am back home passing by, yes you guessed right, her.
The problem I thought that she still was with someone else but after some nifty detective work I found out from
our mutual friend that she had broken up with her boyfriend and was available for any would be suiters willing to
woo her. I thought to myself this was my chance, I was going to pull out all the stops to try and win her over.
First thing I did was to get our mutual friend to arrange a friendly date with the three of us.
I remember us
picking her up at her sisters place to go and play Putt-Putt. There was a light drizzle that evening and when my
wipers failed me a bit, she got up through the front window with a cloth and tried wiping the front windscreen
dry. What a laugh we had but strange it was this spontaneous and maddish behaviour that really did it for me.
This was just the break I needed to be with her. A few nights later I pretended to be in the area and just
stopped by to say hello. We talked, laughed and smoked our first cigarette together that night and I still
recalled how the moon cast a shadow across her beautifull body and suddenly my confidence took a knock because
right at that moment I thought that there is no way that someone so beautifull and sexy would ever give a thin,
scrawney looking, fashionless and nerdish looking guy like me a chance, the closest I was going to get with her
Somehow there was this constant debate going on inside my head that I should not give up without a fight. Then
one night I swung by her schools Matric Dance Farewell hoping to see her. After standing around for a while she
suddenly stepped out and when she came to me I thought tonight is the night but she just came over to say hello
and then she walked off with her so called ex-boyfriend and strangely it never affected me in anyway. I turned to
my friend who was about to rag on me and told him that for the first time I really know now that she is mine. It
was the way she looked at me that night, for the first time I felt I was really in with a chance and maybe just
maybe she and her Ex-boyfriend will reach some sort of closure and my turn has come.
A few days later I worked up enough courage to call and asked her if she would accompany me to my workplaces
Christmas party, guess what she said yes. Anyway before we get to the Chistmas party a lot still has to happen in
between so let me fill you in. Firstly I asked her out on a light friendly date and when I came around to pick
her she had gone elsewhere with family and even though it really bothered me that she would do something like
that I decided to forgive her after all she gave a good explanation as to our communication breakdown and also we
did have our first ever kiss the night I demanded an explanation.
A few nights later my group of friends and I helped her organise a small house party to celebrate her 19th
Birthday and I had a chance to buy her a first gift from me and the little boy inside did something really
childish I bought her a Carton of Coutleigh cigarettes believe me that is something both of us will never forget.
This was also the night I asked her to be my girl and she promised she would give an answer the next time I
visited her home. It did not take me long to visit again, I needed to know if she would be mine, well she said no
and let me down easy by saying she justed wanted to be friends and she was still willing to attend the Christmas
Party with me.
I was shattered but was up for the challenge to deal with this latest major disappointment in my
life also I made up mind not to see anyone for a really long time and never ever to fall in love for the rest of
The Sunday before the Christmas Party a few close friends invited me along to the beach with them and the next
thing I know is she is there too and it is decided that she would ride with me. At the beach a barbecue is
prepared by the guys and the weirdest thing is happening, she is all over me, kissing and hugging me like I am
hers so I find myself asking her what is going on. We off alone sitting on the rocks watching the waves come in
and this where she says she will be mine if I still wanted her and my heart is jumping around and I am thinking
finally she is mine.
The night of the Christmas party is just as magical, I was so proud walking in to the Hall with her on my arm she
looked so beautifull, I remember we danced to Kylie Minogue singing the Locomotion. After the party we stepped
into the Poolroom and played a few games, she was getting cold so I gave her my jacket. Later on we went for a
romantic walk in Happy Valley and again we kissed under the moonlight.
The next year and a half was magic. I was
almost every single night at her house and one night when her parents went to sleep she snuck out through the
window to spend the whole night with me this is one episode we still have a laugh about. In September 1989 we
announce our engagement, 10 months together and already we both knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives
together. Apart from us talking to each other about all and everything in our lives we also could not keep our
hands off each other I remember my one prayer was she would not fall pregnant before we tied the knot.
On 3 June 1990 we got married fairytale style. This must rank as one of the best days of my life but a lot more
best days was to follow and on the 9 February 1991 she gave birth to a beautiful daughter. Another daughter and a
son later everything seem solid and like many marriages we had our ups and downs, bad arguments and great make up
sex but never did I ever really entertain the thought of her not being in my life, she completed my in everyway.
A few years ago we made a bad financial decision which caused us to lose our house, our car and other material
possesions and the immediate result was I could only find work in another city and at the same time she was
pregnant with our 4th child, our baby daughter. I admired the fact that for the first time she had the last child
without me and at the same time took care of our other 3 children all on her own while I was trying to secure
some employment so we could financially start over again.
When I finally got work she up and moved with the
children immediately to be with me at the same time leaving all her family and friends behind in our hometown.
This sort of sacrifice made me realise how lucky I was to have her in my life and even though I had no more money
or material wealth left in my life I still felt like the richest man on earth because I had something no money
could buy in my life and that is the love of a beautifull and wonderfull wife.
The last three years however has been the most testing and trying times our relationship has ever endured. I feel
she blames me for everything that feels wrong in her life sometimes I feel I have become wrong in her life. It
hurts to see her so miserable especially when it feels like I am responsible for her misery.
I think she wants to
leave me but she feels she needs a reason so she tries to pin extra-marital affairs on me and no matter how much
I declare my love for her it just does not seem to be enough for her. I am trying really hard to be patient
because after all is said and done she is still the only one I ever want. I still cannot see myself living
without her, she owns me, she has my heart for always and not to have her in bed next to me or waking up beside
her is something I do not even want to comprehend.
I am unhappy in my job and now when I come home to escape it I have an unhappy wife and when I try to escape all
of it by going into my own world or by hiking even that becomes a problem.
I sometimes think as much as it would
hurt me maybe it would be best if she left and tried to find herself, I would not hate her for it I could never
hate her, I just want her to be happy and after a year or however long it takes she feels she wants to be with me
again I swear I will still be here waiting for her.
Only for her will I sign my name with Love Always.
About the Author (text)I am a 42 year old senior bookkeeper married with 4 children and living in the Southern suburbs of Cape Town.